Dinner went decently. I had the risotto, she had the quail. I tried to make a joke about gamefowl but ended up offending her—there was no way I could have known she lost her family like that. We talked about the election, commodity trading, Bauhaus textiles, and whether or not snow is the best weather. I knew I'd never love her, and I doubted she'd even look at my wretched form after I slipped off the kimono. "Why are you wearing a kimono at dinner?" she'd repeat, but I just shook my head. If she didn't understand by now, she wouldn't ever. I leaned across the table, eyes bloodshot, and snatched the plate away from her. A bit of hog gravy dribbled over. "Bird time is over," I hissed and smiled. She winked. She told me I disgusted her. "Wait until you see the sheets." She'd played this game before, but it was a new year—2012 might be different. Once she saw Darth Vader's head on my pillow, hers was next. I'd only spent $28 on these Star Wars sheets, but it'd paid off in multiples. She asked when I would be finished. "I find your lack of faith disturbing," I cackled. She got up and put her clothes back on and deleted her number out of my phone and left. -SB
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Source: http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/gizmodo/full/~3/vLpQcjc90Dg/star-wars-saga-sheets-are-your-imperial-bedroom-deal-of-the-day
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